Not A Single Teardrop
by Serena Hawke-Theirin
Summary: A bouquet of white lilies on the desk and Leandra has gone missing. Anders is an eyewitness to the most tragic event in Hawke's life. AU, but follows the spirit and feel of the original scene. Characters from Embracing Destiny


I had never before seen Emily as desperate as she was that night. Usually, nearly everything she said was accompanied by a wry smile. Occasionally she ruffled some feathers with her sarcastic nature and attempts to lighten situations that called for a bit more tact than she seemed capable. Her dry wit was both her best feature and her worst. For those of us who truly knew her, we were painfully aware it was her favorite means of defense when she was feeling overwhelmed, uncomfortable or downright scared shitless. If she wasn't angry, a sardonic smirk was her shield of choice to mask any heartbreak life forced her to endure. That evening, however, her façade had melted away completely.

It was near dusk when we arrived home to find Emily's uncle Gamlen harassing Sandal about something or another. I, of course, skirted past them in an attempt to put as much distance between myself and another bout of Amell family drama as possible. It was no secret that with the exception of Leandra, Emily's family held no love for me and when it came to Gamlen, the feeling was completely mutual. So, I chose the path of avoidance on that particular occasion. I had just reached the landing on the staircase, however, when something Bodahn said caught my ear.

"Well, those lilies arrived for her this morning."

I turned to the desk to see a large bouquet of white lilies sitting upon it and my heart immediately sank. I then looked over at Emily whose face had become set in a pensive frown. I saw the spark of fear in her green eyes when she glanced in my direction before interrupting the conversation between the dwarf and her uncle.

"White lilies? I think I might know something about that."

"Well, don't just leave me waiting, girl" Gamlen huffed. "What is it?"

The lines in Emily's brow deepened as her lower lip disappeared between her teeth. I hurried to her side and placed my arm around her shoulder before answering the question for her. "There's a killer in Kirkwall who sends his victims white lilies before he takes them. He's murdered several women already."

Gamlen scowled angrily and shook his head. "No one asked you, mage. Why don't you crawl back into the shadows where you belong? This is a family matter and none of your business." He turned his attention to his niece. "He's wrong. Leandra is fine."

Emily peered down at the marble tile beneath her feet before turning her eyes up to mine with a small, appreciative smile. She straightened her back, regaining her composure and sighed. "I suppose it doesn't hurt to be optimistic."

"She probably just took a different path today and got lost," Gamlen reasoned. "That girl never did have the sense of direction the Maker gave a nug. I'm going to go back to Lowtown and look for her."

"We'll go with you Gamlen," I told him, earning me a sneer from the older man which I promptly ignored. "With more eyes, hopefully we can find her sooner."

Emily's uncle grumbled something under his breath that I couldn't quite make out before retreating to the front door. I moved to follow him, but Emily grabbed my hand before I could take a step. "Do you think we should get Aveline to help us?"

My stomach was in knots. I often wondered how Emily could remain so calm in such a situation. I personally felt as if I were going to vomit. Leandra was like a mother to us all, Hawke's rowdy band of misfits, and although Emily would feel the greatest loss if something happened to the woman, I knew it would cause the rest of us no small amount of pain if she were to die. I gave a casual shrug, trying my best to keep my cool.

"It's up to you, Em."

She gave a sharp nod of her head, causing the dark hair hanging from her ponytail to lightly bounce against her shoulders. "Let's get to the Keep, then...Just in case."

Fortunately, Aveline was just returning from speaking to the Grand Cleric and she hadn't even reached the top of the first set of stairs leading to the Keep when we found her. After a quick explanation by Emily, the guard captain accompanied us to Lowtown. The entire way, the red-headed warrior's mouth was set in a determined frown and her lids remained narrowed over her green eyes. I knew she was feeling the same way I was. Like I said, Leandra was a mother of sorts to us all.

We found Gamlen near a merchant's stall speaking to an ebony haired boy sporting ratty clothes and worn shoes that didn't even have enough leather left to hide his bare toes, a typical appearance for the children who were forced to grow up in such poverty. Emily quickened her pace to reach her uncle while Aveline and I followed suit.

"I told you already, I saw her," the boy insisted. "But I ain't sayin' nothin' else without gettin' somethin' for me troubles."

Gamlen grabbed the child by his collar. "Why you conniving little bastard. How about a broken nose for your trouble then?"

Emily placed a gentle hand on her uncle's arm and his shoulders went slack as he released the boy. She stooped down until she was eye level with the young man before reaching into the small coin purse on her belt and pulling out several silvers. She placed them in his grimy outstretched hand before closing his gaunt fingers around them. "There you go," she said with a kind smile. "Enough to buy yourself some food and a pair of new shoes."

The child's eyes went wide upon opening his hand and seeing the small pile of coins lying on his palm. He beamed. "I'm your man, through and through. Tell you everythin' I know." He pursed his lips in thought for a moment before continuing. "That lady was here. She looked like she was gonna take the bridge to Hightown. But then a man came up to her. He stumbled and fell down at her feet like he was dead. His hands were all bloody like he'd been in a fight. The lady shook him and I think he said, 'Help'. She got him to his feet and he was wobbly. I remember that part 'cause I thought it was funny. Anyway, they left and that's all I saw."

Emily rose to her full height and I gently took her hand into mine. She shook her head. "I never thought I'd curse my mother's kindheartedness."

The boy pointed to a large puddle of crimson coloring the street nearby. "The man left some blood. Maybe you could follow it."

"This is ridiculous," Gamlen bellowed. "We're wasting time on this nonsense."

Emily's jaw tightened along with her grip on my hand. I could see her anger rising from the flash in her eyes which had gone from bright emerald to a deep green. I had to do something to try to diffuse the situation. "Gamlen, why don't you go home and wait for Leandra, in case she shows up there."

He harrumphed loudly, but did not argue before pivoting on his heel and heading in the direction of his hovel. Emily gave my fingers another tight squeeze before letting go of my hand. "We need to hurry," she said, more to herself than either Aveline or I. She ran to the stain on the ground, but there were no more to be seen. Emily spun wildly trying to catch a glimpse of some sort of clue as to which direction her mother could have gone. I bent down and ran my finger through the blood on the stone then recited a spell under my breath which would make even the smallest droplet of that particular blood more visible. Within moments, a second stain appeared a few feet away then another beyond that. Emily didn't even question the sudden appearance of the blood, she simply began to follow it.

By the time we reached the end of the blood trail in the Foundry District, I was out of breath from running to keep up with Emily. She stopped and scanned the buildings with a frantic eyes. Panic adorned her normally delicate features causing her to appear much older than her twenty four years. Her gaze finally fell upon a familiar building at the end of the darkened street.

"There!" she cried as she raced toward the stone steps leading up to the abandoned foundry.

Once we were inside, we found more blood on the floor and followed it to a trapdoor that neither of us had seen the first time we were there searching for the other women. Emily practically tore the wooden door off its hinges when she pulled it open. She didn't wait for us to follow her down into the dark hole. I'm not even sure she realized we were still there. By the time Aveline and I had our feet firmly planted on the ground, Emily was already engaged in fighting several shades that had been triggered by some sort of trap in the floor.

We found the woman, Alessa soon after that, along with Leandra's locket which her husband had given her the day Emily was born. Then there was the shrine. A large portrait of a woman who favored Emily's mother a great deal hung on the wall in an area that appeared to be set aside as some sort of laboratory/sleeping chamber. In her maelstrom of emotion, Emily blasted the painting with a fireball so hot that the entire thing was reduced to nothing more than a pile of ash within just a few seconds. I tried to comfort her, or at very least calm her down a bit, but she pushed right past me as she made her way out of the room.

I grabbed Aveline by the arm and we chased after Emily, but she was practically flying through the tight corridors of the underground chamber and we were unable to keep up with her. At one point, I feared that we might have lost her when I turned a corner and heard voices echoing from a small anteroom nearby.

Standing at the other side of the room in front of a chair with the back facing toward us was a man, who I would later find out was named Quentin. He looked to be in his early to mid-sixties with dark gray hair brushed back smooth away from his ashen face. The skin surrounding his deranged, grey eyes was dark from lack of sleep. His robes were made of the finest silk, from Tevinter if I were to hazard a guess, but they were filthy covered with all manner of blood and the odd dollop of what appeared to be human remains. The air surrounding him reeked of rot, and his insanity cloaked him like a well-worn wrap about his shoulders. He did not acknowledge either Aveline or I, but continued speaking to Emily whose heavy breathing was causing her chest to rise and fall like the tides during the height of a new moon.

I took my place at Emily's side as Quentin stepped around the chair. "You will never understand my purpose," he explained in a low gravelly tone. "Your mother was chosen because she was special. And now, she is part of something…greater."

My eyes fell on the chair behind the odd stranger to what looked to be a woman sitting there in a tattered, greying wedding gown and veil. My stomach lurched again, but that time I actually tasted the bile that had managed to escape my throat. For a moment, I wondered if Emily had worked it all out yet but one glimpse in her direction told me that she was unable to see past her anger enough to recognize the truth of the situation. A large part of me wanted to grab her and pull her away from that place so she wouldn't have to see what had become of her mother, but I just continued to stand there, biting my tongue in silence awaiting the moment she would need me to be the shelter of her upcoming storm.

Emily's lids narrowed into thin slits. "I get it. You're crazy," she hissed. "Now tell me where my mother is before I splatter your ass all over these walls."

A twisted, self-satisfied smirk curled the man's lips as his eyes moved to the figure sitting on the nearby chair. "I have done the impossible." His smirk widened to a demented grin. "I have touched the face of the Maker and lived." He turned his back to us and began walking toward the chair. "Do you know what the strongest force in the universe is?" he questioned as he stood over the gowned woman. "Love," he crooned in a voice that made my blood run cold. He slowly circled around to face the figure in the chair and began to softly stroke her cheek. His grey eyes became wistful, filled with a kind of maniacal awe. "I pieced her together from memory," he beamed. "I found her eyes, her skin, her delicate fingers." He gave a long, contented sigh and went to the floor on one knee. "And now, at last, her face." He leaned in closer to her. "This beautiful face," he whispered before closing the gap between them.

Although I didn't actually see it, I knew he was kissing her, his filthy lips moving against her cold dead ones. My constitution finally gave way and I turned my head to spew my insides onto the stone below. Luckily, Emily seemed not to have noticed my moment of weakness. Her eyes were glued to the scene folding out before her, her brow arched in troubled curiosity. Once again, I thought to pull her away and once again I did nothing.

Quentin stood while holding onto the pale hand of the corpse. He spoke directly to it. "I have searched far and wide to find you again beloved, and no force on this earth will part us."

I was expecting a fight. My staff was already in my hand, anticipating the blood mage's first move, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. He pulled at the dead hand and I was fully expecting the body to fall to the floor…but it didn't. It stood and turned to face us, displaying exactly what that sick bastard had done to Leandra. There was a crude, bloody seam that circled the middle of her neck where head was sewn onto someone else's body and her eyes were the wrong color and so cold, so dead. It was obvious that they had once belonged to another woman. I somehow managed to swallow back a second wave of vomit. Aveline was not so lucky.

I looked over at Emily whose green eyes had gone wide with shocked comprehension. I would have given anything at that moment to reach inside her heart and take that pain from her. I glanced at Leandra again and I became briefly paralyzed by a memory that suddenly flooded my mind.

I had only been living at the manor for about a week. My moving in had put an obvious strain on Emily and Leandra's relationship so I tried to stay out of the way as much as possible. I even opted to skip all of the evening meals when we were at home during supper because I hoped it would give Emily and her mother a chance to talk and maybe mend some fences. After three days in a row of that, however, I found myself too famished to sleep. I quietly slipped out of bed and crept to the kitchen in hopes to find something in which I could make a sandwich.

Before I could even get to the larder, I was stopped in my tracks by the sound of a shoe tapping the floor at the doorway behind me. Thinking it was probably Emily, I turned, flashing my most winning smile only to come face to face with Leandra. She said nothing as she skirted past me to the pantry and rummaged through the shelves. She emerged with an armload of food and dumped it all on the kitchen table before going to the cupboard and removing two plates. Over the next few minutes, she busied herself spreading mustard onto bread and then covering it with an assortment of meats and cheeses. She pushed one of the plates toward the chair across the table from her and gave me a curt nod, indicating that she wanted me to sit.

It wasn't until I had finished nearly half my sandwich when Leandra looked up at me with a melancholy smile. "These were always my Malcolm's favorites. I would pack them for him when he would trek off into the Wilds to help the Chasind folk." All I could do was bob my head up and down like a fool with an uneasy smirk. She sighed and placed her half eaten sandwich on her plate before taking my hand. "I understand why Emily cares for you so much. After all of the rumors I have heard about you, I was sure you would bring her nothing but trouble. But now that I have seen the two of you together…I see the way you look at her. It's obvious how much you love her."

"I do," I said. "More than anything."

"You remind me of him, you know…my Malcolm."

"Emily has told me the same thing many times," I acknowledged.

Her smile became genuine as she nodded and picked up her sandwich to take another bite. We didn't speak another word to each other that evening, save a quick and quiet "Goodnight", but that one conversation was all that was needed to repair the rift between mother and daughter.

A shard of ice hit me on my shoulder. "Wake up!" Emily barked. "I could use your help with these shades."

I began throwing ice and lightning intermittently at the beasts, but my heart really wasn't in it at all. I knew that as soon as the battle was over and the madman struck down, I would have to tell Emily the truth. Even though her corpse was animated, Leandra was dead. I wasn't even sure if there was any part of Emily's mother left, save her physical features.

The moment Quentin dropped to the ground in a crumpled heap, Leandra stumbled and fell. Emily rushed to her and gathered her mother into her arms. She looked up at me, desperation filling those beautiful emerald eyes. "Anders, help her. Please."

I knelt down next to her and smoothed her hair. "I'm sorry, love. There's nothing I can do. His magic was all that was keeping her alive."

"No," she screamed at me while pushing me away. I landed hard on the floor behind me. "You're a healer. You can cure her Make Justice help…Do something!"

Aveline moved to Emily's other side. "Hawke…Anders can't cure death…no one can."

Tears began stinging my eyes. "I am sorry love" I whispered. "I am so very sorry."

"Please…don't be so hard on him. This isn't his fault." Emily's head drooped and I saw Leandra's skeletal left hand reach up to touch her daughter's face before giving her a sad smile. "My Emily…I knew you would come."

"You know me, mother," she croaked. "I always save the day."

"Don't fret darling. That man would have kept me trapped here…inside this body. Now I'm free. I can be with Carver and Bethany…and your father again. But you'll be all alone."

I knelt down on the other side of Leandra and gently took hold of the fingers of her right hand. "Don't worry, Leandra. Your daughter will never be alone. I will take care of her. I swear it." She gave me the same nod of approval that she did that night in the kitchen.

Emily waggled her head. "I should have watched over you more closely. I should have…"

_Shhh,_ Leandra insisted softly. "It's okay…My little girl has become so strong. I love you, Emily. You've always…made me…so proud."

With those words, Emily's mother quietly passed through the Veil. I reached out and shut her eyes with my fingertips and waited for my lover to lose her infallible fortitude. I actually held my breath, anticipating her emotional breakdown so I could be right there for her, to be the shoulder she could cry on. But she just sat there, in stillness and in silence, holding onto her mother and staring down at the woman's lifeless face. It seemed an eternity had passed when she finally looked up at me. The color of her eyes were dull, the spark faded from existence in that point in time, the whites glistening in the light of the nearby torches on the wall. But not one tear touched her cheek. She blinked several times before reaching out and swiping at the dampness on my own cheeks. Then she sighed heavily.

"We should be getting back." She turned her face toward the red-headed woman standing at her side. "Aveline, would you please call some of your guardsmen to retrieve my mother's body?"

The guard captain sniffed and wiped at her own eyes. "Of course, Hawke."

Emily gently laid her mother's head on the stone, stood up and dusted the dirt from her knees. "Are you ready to go home?" she asked.

I nodded and took her by the arm to lead her outside. I half expected her to push me away again, but she didn't, not really. She simply flashed the miniscule hint of an appreciative smile before straightening her shoulders and walking back out into the corridor on her own. As I watched her go with Aveline trailing closely behind her, I took one final glimpse of the body lying on the ground and I couldn't stop the tears that began flowing from my eyes. After the way she held it together at the moment of her mother's death, I knew that Emily would not allow herself to shed tears of her own. I, however, shed enough for the both of us.


End file.
